This past couple of weeks there has been on the news a LOT of articles about Josh Duggar.
I held back from commenting on them, or sharing any of them. I made a choice to not become involved in the judgement. I know that some talked and shared the articles, I am not judging you for doing that, but I want to gently ask: Did you have all of the facts first? Often when stuff comes out, the whole story is not out there. We need to learn to wait, as believers, until the whole story is there -but remember, GOD already knows the whole story-and if HE wills it, HE will allow that truth to come out, if the truth does not, GOD may be testing us- HIS children-how we will handle part of a story...
I saw on several talk shows people talking about them, and I have to say: shame on all of them. If you believed everything that they said, you would have to believe that the family hid all of this, trying to cover it all up. They (the media) claimed the following:
~that the family did not seek professional care
~They tried to cover it up
~they went to a police friend, not actual police, for help from the police. (and this 'friend' later went to prison for child molestation)
~They only sought help from their pastor
~they only tried to protect Josh, not the girls
This is just a few of the claims. So lets look at each one of those:
They did not seek professional care: Not true, the parents said all received professional care. From professionals. Therapists.
They tried to cover it up: Actually, they did not cover it up. But lets look at this one after we have looked at all of the others.
They went to a police friend, not actual police, for help from the police. (and this 'friend' later went to prison for child molestation): no, the parents said in the interview that they along with Josh, walked into the police department, and they were (assigned) the policeman (who later went to prison) to speak with. They were not friends.
They only sought help from their pastor: Why would you think that they would not seek help from a spiritual advisor in their lives? Come on! If something horrible is happening in your life, would you also not go to your pastor (if you attend church)?
They only tried to protect their son, not the girls: They right away within in the family- protected the girls. Many of their policies in this family are the same ones that their haters do not like ---for example: with the younger children the family rule is: no bathing together, boys and girls, even the toddlers, never sleep together, even toddlers, mixed boys and girls, if a little girl in the family needs help with getting bathed, dressed or going to the bathroom, they go with another girl, same for boys. They do not allow alone time to protect the younger children. They told the girls, got them professional help/counseling, (the girls did not even know this had happened since it had happened while they were asleep). So actually, they could have chosen to hide it from the girls, but they did not.
Also: when they went to the police, they did not know if Josh would be arrested or not, did not know if this would start a investigation from CPS on the family or not. They were vulnerable -open and worked with who they needed to. Once all was done, the case was sealed (since ALL involved were juveniles) and forgiveness began within the family. That is, until someone in the police department all these years later, decided to illegally open the file of a sealed by the court's case on a juvenile, and illegally allow that file -out to the public.
Remember:
The son, Josh, did come to the parents himself (which speaks loudly to me, ) yes he did this, fondling, on top of the clothing, (some would say that does not make a difference and I get that), but he felt such guilt that he went and told on himself. That speaks volumes as to how he was raised and that his heart was still soft enough for YHWH to work and make the changes in this young boy (Yes a BOY) before he became a man and continued on this path!
Josh also paid for his own therapy, and bills related to this stuff. He had to use his own money that he had raised, so the parents did NOT bail him out of the financial cost to help him. I think that is good. More ways he took responsibility.
SO why does this get me so angry? Because I went thru something when I was young.
When I was about 14, I awoke to (more than once that this happened and I will not say where I was at, but I was NOT at my own home) so I woke up in the middle of the night to find my breasts OUT of the clothing I had on, and some young guy (same age as me) fondling my breasts. He backed away from me, and I screamed. He said he was only out there to check on me and his sister (we were in a camper sleeping).
Bull shit.
His sister did not believe me. I kept saying no, he was feeling me up. He lied and tried to say I was uncovered, he was trying to cover me up, what ever-no I was not, YOU did that to me!!
Anyway, I was NOT believed. I tired to argue but no one was listening, and I know that he was scared he would get into a lot of trouble (since he was in trouble for other things). I was friends with this girl, and other times we were in her room when I would spend the night, and I woke up with this guy standing over me. We finally locked the bedroom door. Yes some will say, why did you stay there again? She was my friend, but sad I guess not enough friend to believe me.
BUT, I NEVER EVER forgot this. This person is still in my life (will not say how and why, trying not to name the person). BUT I watch close, I never allowed my own daughters to visit at his home with his daughter, not over night. I still do not trust him. He has yet to be man enough to come to me and apologize. No one has asked my forgiveness for violating ME.
What this guy did to me, is the VERY same thing Josh did to his sisters. Only my breasts were exposed by the guy who touched me-he touched me skin to skin. Yuk! I am ever grossed out that he saw me and touched me. It makes me sick. It makes me sick to see him and if he talks to me at all. I can't stand it. Knowing he did this and never has said he was sorry, never asked for forgiveness, and those who knew-basically called me a liar. Yes, I have forgiven-because I have to. If not it destroys me. BUT I have not forgotten. I will not forget being molested. I will never trust this person. Never.
THIS IS MY STORY TO TELL, it is NOT anyone else's story. If I name him, it is MY choice, not someone else's.
I was a VICTIM.
He is not.
He is the one doing wrong.
I was not.
I was, am the VICTIM.
Me.
Again, I am the victim., NOT him.
Now, again, if the victim chooses to tell their story, fine, if they choose not to-fine. It is always the victim's story to tell.
This is why I am so frustrated with what has happened with the Duggars. It is the girls story to tell. They were juveniles, and their records are suppose to be kept sealed. Protected. See that word folks? PROTECTED (In case you missed it before).
Now they are being forced to relive this, becoming a Victim again-all across the country and around the world and it was NOT their choice!
Yes, we serve a big GOD and HE ultimately has a plan which sometimes means allowing bad things to happen to good people, I get that. He can turn this into something good. He can use it. I get that. But was it in HIS plan or did some ungodly police officer that had an agenda against the family, purposely turn over the sealed document? That sounds like the enemy working in that ungodly police officer--that is what it sounds like to me. I will call it as it looks. So again, Yes, GOD CAN use it for HIS good, but the enemy is the one that was at work here.
REMEMBER: the family dealt with this back then, completely. What right do we have to hear about it if GOD has worked with the family and dealt with it already?
The Enemy is using it now.
I think that the person in the police department who leaked this information, who opened sealed documents of Juveniles, should be punished. Her name should be out there for the public.
Shame shame shame on her!
And shame on everyone who falsely judged the Duggar family before hearing all of the facts. Many, even 'christians' who hate the Duggars, or hate the type of homeschooling stuff they use (bill gothard) allow that to place a veil over their eyes when looking at this and what has happened. Come on! How awful! I might not like the church you are in, but I do not wish you a painful life or problems on you.
I have been misjudged. By a church full of people that were suppose to be my family. I did not even get a chance to really talk to them all, (when you have been arrested, you can not speak about everything, not in full and I did not get to in full talk to anyone but my husband and attorney). So still to this day, I am outed by this church-still to this day-they think they have the whole story, but they do not. They judged me, they judged me wrong.
I am past that now in my life, but I say this to explain the following: I will always remember those who supported me, not knowing the whole truth. I will NEVER forget any of you. You made a (correct) choice to hold your judgement back until you had the full story. (it took years) but you were following YHWH and what HE told you to do. I thank you. I will always remember those people.
Christians, we have to do the same for the Duggars. Please please hold your judgement until ALL facts are in. Remember also: what would you do if your 13-14 year old son came to you and said this: I just felt my sister's breast? some say, well it happened once, so how could the parents allow it to happen again?
Do any of you parents sit up all night at your daughters bedside watching so no one comes into the room? Do you put a lock on the outside of the sons door, thus now taking a risk to get charged with restraining your son unsafely, (in case of a fire)? Come on, we as a nation and the 'church' is so quick to judge others.
Put yourself in the parents shoes, and be careful not to quickly come to a judgemental attitude. What an awful spot for a parent to be in. No one knows until you are actually there what you would do...so be careful, lest the same befalls onto you or worse...
There but the Grace of GOD go I.....
He who is without sin, cast the first stone....
