Well, I am still here. For those of you who do not know, I may have had a mild heart attack.
Not totally sure at this point.
The past couple of years have been stressful. Being arrested is not fun, nor is it easy and it definitely was not on my bucket list. As with other happenings in my life that are not pleasant to go thru, once I am thru it- I can look back and say I have learned a lot. One thing I did learn more about in the past couple of years since the arrest -was friendship, trust, and commitments.
~I learned who were 'true' friends, and who just wanted to pre-tend and then talk behind my back in a negative way. Even some in the birthing midwifery community.
~I learned who those were that were committed to being and remaining a friend and who just ran as fast as they could when the friendship was 'tested' during this tough time.
~I learned who to trust, and as the saying goes-who to keep close because they are in fact an enemy and I need to 'keep an eye' on them.
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| Me on the day of one of my hearings with several of my clients, all whom I fully trust... |
With the social media, (aka facebook) I immediately gained about 500 'friends' after I was arrested. Some have since 'de-friended me' once the initial drama was over. That shows me they were only interested in watching the drama unfold.
Some are still 'friends', and many remain true to that friendship, but others not so. Over the past few weeks I have been weeding many of those out. Many still hang out as a 'friend' to watch what is happening and others, remain because they really are a friend. I only want real friends.
So I have begun to 'de-friend' those who I never really hear from, last week I got rid of 25 of them (well I de-friended them) and I felt good about that. If you dont care to comment once in awhile, or check how I am doing, then its time for you to go. Now more to go! I do not need the drama and stress of people who just want to spy on me. I really do not. I am not a child and will not act as one, and doing the spying thing, to me, is childish. I need and only want REAL friends, who serve the LORD YHWH and whom we can fellowship on line, those whom I CAN trust and who have my back. I know, I also need to be a light to others, and I am fine with that. But, well-you know, there are just some-who have to go.
I want to use face book as a way to keep up with certain people, and they with me. I also want to use it as a witness to those who do not know YHWH as I do.
So the de-stressing by eliminating facebook friends will continue. I will also work on other areas of stress in my life. Stress has to go.
Why?
Because stress kills and I had a close call this week.
Monday began normally. I had an appointment scheduled with a doctor (well actually a nurse practitioner) whom I have been seeing for my health care needs. As a diabetic whose blood sugars were for a long time, not in control, and with having PCOS (that means it is difficult to lose weight ), someone with high triglycerides, (heart attack level and the diabetes and PCOS do not help lower those-in fact, helps to raise them) I need to do some serious changes. I have been working on that for years, and with hard work, medicines and Herbals in combinations, I was able to lower all to good amounts. Until the former doctor I saw-argued with me, calling me crazy, stupid, ---well more on that later.
So the other care providers I had been seeing over the years, were ok, but not all were very understanding about the PCOS and that plays huge into my health care and treatment plan. Also they were men. Sorry, but when a doctor comes to you as a woman, when you are overweight and just assumes all you do is eat junk, fried foods and fattening things, and then says the PCOS is nothing to worry about-it shows they are not the one I need to be seeing.
They would tell me: you need to just not eat that way (they did not believe me at how I really ate) and then say: you need to stop eating too much, or Don't eat fried foods Or don't eat junk or fast foods. Ugg. I would get so tired of arguing with them about how I did NOT eat that way. One use to call me stupid, crazy and other things when I would discuss the use of herbs or other treatment plans that did not include medication. My family did not believe me when I would tell them how he spoke to me. Once my husband came to a appointment, and the doctor (from India) treated me soooo nice. Why? Because my husband was there. He was like a totally different man! So one time I had my oldest daughter attend an appointment with me. After the appointment was over, she looked at me and said: Mom forgive me, wow! He was rude! But I needed a doctor, one that would prescribe the medications that I needed so for now, I was stuck.
Then after transferring a client and her baby to the hospital, I met a new doctor in ER who was setting up practice in my home town. He told me to come talk to him (about helping back me as a Midwife) and soon we were taking our own mother there for care and then I transferred my care to him.
So the new doctor I was seeing, although he is really nice, he says: You need to just eat less and not eat fried foods, or fast food....Oh no, here we go again! I would just say -ya I know. He too was not 'listening' to me about how I really ate! He too, obviously did not understand PCOS and diabetes and their connection. After a year or more under his care, he suggested that I see his nurse practitioner as 'she has had wonderful results helping people lower their blood sugars.'
I thought, ok fine. But here I go again, telling my story again, and will again most likely be told-stop eating so much, stop eating junk food, and stop eating fast food (even though I DO NOT eat that way)
So at the first appointment to see her, I was not happy. My body language spoke loudly. The nurse noticed it and told me I do not have to be here, I can leave. She was not being mean, just stating facts. I said no, I will follow thru-Its just I was not looking forward to telling my life story again-- to someone who would look at me and going thru the same thing-again. (I did not realize who this NP was until she walked in-I use to work with her)
She came in, and I was happy with seeing her. Then she looked at me and said, Ireena, you have to eat. I thought; what? ......she got it.......... This will work. (also, she herself had battled weight all of her life so she really understood)
See, I normally will get up about 6 am, and I can go until 1 or 2 or 3 pm until I eat anything. Then I eat a good meal, and maybe its the ONLY meal I eat all day! I may eat something in the evening time, and maybe not.
Yes I know, that is NOT healthy. I KNOW that, I preach to woman all the time how to eat healthy! What I do eat -when I eat- it is healthy. I try to eat organic as much as I can, we raise most of our own food-including meat, veggies and eggs. But the not eating until so late in the day, messes with my blood sugar, and also not eating enough-often I do not eat enough---my body is thinking it is starving all the time. So it reserves EVERYTHING I eat-even healthy stuff, and stores it. Plus with PCOS, my body will have a higher sugar and higher triglycerides.
She also changed my insulins (I had been on the same one for about 8 years-and even with the not eating enough-- it was NOT working)
Wow, when she did this---I noticed a change in my sugars! So I have been under her care now for a few months, seeing improvements...my HbA1C has dropped!
So onto my story: Monday was my regular appointment but they called in the morning and asked due to a meeting the NP had to go to, if I would come in earlier or would I like to change it to another day. I thought, no, for some reason-due to how I had been feeling over the past week, I thought-I really needed to see her. I would come in early.
I had been feeling exhausted-for weeks. After sleeping for 8-10 hours, (I had been going to bed really early) I would wake up and be so tired. I was not sure why, but it was not the normal me.
I have been having dental work done over the past 3 months, removing silver fillings, and having them replaced with the healthy ones. And just a week before this doctor (NP) appointment, I had my teeth cleaned. I always get pre-medicated due to a history of having had Pericarditis.
'Pericarditis is a swelling and irritation of the pericardium, the thin sac-like membrane that surrounds your heart. Pericarditis often causes chest pain and sometimes other symptoms. Pericarditis is usually sudden and short-lived (acute).'
That was years ago. I occasionally will have a issue again, and have to really watch my fluid intake. Too little and I feel strange things with my heart.
So at the dentist office, they took my blood pressure, and it was 99 over 50 something. That is not my normal. I usually run about 130s over 80s. If this really is my B/P right now, it is a huge drop. I thought, she must have done it wrong. I am not going to worry and tell her she done it wrong, what ever!
But as the days went on, I continued to feel so tired. So I thought, I will check my blood pressure myself....and when I did, noticed it was so low. I re-checked it right a way, with a different cuff-still very low! 90s over 50s. I kept a close eye on it over the next week, and I noticed I would feel a strange feeling in my head, not dizzy, just weird, and my pressure would be low when that happened. Plus, I was so very tired. The highest the b/p went that week was 110s over 60s.
I told the NP about this and also about some minor discomfort I had been feeling in my chest too for a few weeks. She thought it would be a good idea to do a EKG. I agreed.
After it was done, the nurse who did it hurried out to show the results to the NP and she in turn, showed it right away to the doctor (the nurse had left the door open so I could hear it all) they talked about me maybe wearing a holter (a portable device to monitor you for a day or so, you wear it at home) and then decided to call a cardiologist and I heard it all. 'Should I send her by ambulance or.....ok...yes...thank you.'
The NP came in and told me it did not look good, and I was to go to the ER. She asked which hospital was my choice, and I said Borgess (known for their excellence with heart stuff, they are one of the top hospitals in the country for heart stuff)
They has told her, if I have been experiencing this over the past few weeks, then it was probably not happening right now, but 'had' already happened so it was not an emergency-where I needed to go right now...via ambulance. I could drive myself (well hubby was) and it would be ok for us to go home and pack a bag, take care of the animals, and then drive to the hospital. They will plan to keep me and monitor my heart and do some testing.
So we went home and Scott fed the animals, and I packed a bag, then off we went.
Well Long story short, in the ER the EKG was normal, and so were the labs. But they wanted to admit me for observation. I know, you do not just admit someone for observation if everything is 'normal'. So that made me wonder if they did not see something more but still wanted to be sure---I knew I was going to be admitted but if everything was in fact normal, then why admit me?
"EKG (Electrocardiogram)
This test detects and records the heart's electrical activity. The test shows how fast the heart is beating and its rhythm and if the beat is regular, or irregular and steady. An EKG also records the strength and timing of the electrical signals as they pass through each part of the heart.It can show signs of heart damage due to coronary heart disease and signs of a previous or current heart attack. "
As we were driving to the hospital-I was working on writing checks to pay the bills, thinking if it is the worse, if anything happens, then this needs done to help Scott out. I expected Scott to just drive, and go by whatever our GPS said, but our GPS unit was not being very reliable, and seemed to take us all over. He asked me about better directions and I laughed and said, I am busy over here having a possible heart attack along with writing out bills-you figure it out! (got to keep your humor a little bit!) I did have peace....YHWH was with me....
I talked to our children on the phone, they were on the way-I told them that they might make it to the hospital before us because it appeared that we were lost! We took a wrong turn from the directions my sister had given us, and thus had to rely on the GPS system only. But It finally came thru for us!
Once at the ER, an IV was begun (by a new nurse, who blew the first one, and now I had a huge hematoma at that site), then she finally was able to get one started-in a very tender spot that only inexperienced nurses will start them in that location....ouch.
I had the copy of the EKG that was done at the office, they made a copy of that one, and once on the floor another one was done too. My 3rd EKG (this might cost a bit!) By then my children were there. As the second one was being done my dil who is a nurse watched it. It did not look normal either.
shucks. that is not good
So was it a MI? By the labs, it did not show it, but my dil said if it happened awhile ago, (not today) then the labs may not show it even though the EKG says so. (Troponin levels can remain high after a heart attack for a few weeks)They do this test when you arrive at ER then about every 8 hours a few more times. They are time sensitive.
Blood tests: during a heart attack, heart muscles die and release proteins into the blood stream. Blood tests can measure the amount of these proteins in the blood stream. If they are higher than normal, it suggests a heart attack.
In the mid morning I was sent to the cardiac lab, and a stress test was done. That was uncomfortable. Instead of running on a treadmill, I was told to lay still, and given a medication that speeds up the heart rate. Having to lie still, and have the heart race like that-it would have been easier to run on the tread mill. My mind kept telling me that when laying down, it is unnatural to have your heart rate go that fast.
It became so difficult and I just had to keep praying....my body wanted to do relaxation techniques, and I had to work at NOT doing just that to slow my breathing and heart...(remember I am trained to help women relax in labor, so doing relaxation techniques come very natural to me). I was told to pump my feet and given a stress ball to hang onto and pump, to try to raise my heart rate faster all while being on your side.
The problem I think was, the nurse accidently gave me the medication that lowers my heart rate first (it was to be given AFTER the test is done to help lower the heart rate again to normal) so now they had to give extra medication to get it to go faster. great. So a test that was to take about 45 minutes from beginning to end, took 2 hours. Scott was very stressed waiting and not knowing if I was ok or not!
As the test was done, my heart would not come down to regular rate for a long time, even with the medication. They kept talking about that-and I think were a little worried (although a doctor is right there the whole time as your having the test done-just in case you 'code')
As I waited for my heart rate to come back to its normal rate, YHWH told me to do some deep breathing and just close my eyes and relax...breath deep, focus on resting....relax. Finally, I heard them say...its dropping....HE is so good!
There were no blockages found in the heart! That is a praise! YHWH is so good to me, despite all I have went thru, HE is not done with me! (even if some older church friends might think that HE is)
I have to trust there is no other vessels or arteries outside of the heart area that is clogged- like in the other arteries!
I was told I could go home in the evening. Thankfully. The PA could not tell me why all of this had happened. I asked her about having had pericarditis years ago and if perhaps that had happened again, she did not know. So she went to speak with a cardiologist and came back to speak with me. We talked about all of it for a good hour.
Here is what I think after all of that: I believe that maybe perhaps I did have a previous MI, a mild one, at sometime. Maybe I had it on the day I was arrested? Dont know. And it really does not matter when it happened, just that it did.
The EKG showed something. That we are sure of. But the blood work, if it was an old one, would not be showing anything at this time.
There was some reason my b/p dropped so low for over a week, and some reason that I had felt the way I did. Maybe it was not even related to the MI. Who knows!
And, maybe, just maybe YHWH totally healed me.
I can only pray it is true and I choose to give HIM all of the praise that HE deserves!
