They Will Know Us By Our Fruit.....

Well I had an interesting week.  Something happened this week that allowed GOD to show me how sad some HIS people really are acting and how messed up the "church" really is.  I knew it was, but still it is always sad to 'see' evidence of it again.

Two different things took place, yet they were alike in many ways.  Both took place on the web-on facebook.

 Social media-it has become a tool that we use daily; most of us do-to communicate with others.  I use it to communicate with my children, relatives, friends in this area and other states and even some clients.

I almost never post anything about my 'job' on there, but I do post things from others about birth.  I post scriptures, I post photos, I comment and share things that I find interesting, and I use it to do research-only because it is so widely used now.

So the beginning of the week, a birthy friend posted something related to abortion-a question and then her opinion.  This friend -I do consider to be a friend, her views are not the same as mine when it comes to religion and abortion.  But I still consider her to be a friend.  We have gone to a midwifery conference and shared the expense of a room.  I am not like some christians who refuse to even speak with those who do not share the same views.   (how can we show them the true love of YHWH when we do not even speak with those who do not share our belief?)

So I posted on her page after her post about abortion, that I could not agree and I posted why-sharing a scripture that says:
11 Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to death; don't stand back and let them die. 12Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows all hearts, and he sees you. He keeps watch over your soul, and he knows you knew! And he will judge all people according to what they have done.  Proverbs 24:11-12

Out of all the commenters on this thread, only one was very rude-saying that we needed to "be real" and went on to complain about those of us who do not want women to have the freedom of choice are not real and yada yada yada.  So I did point out what I would do, and also what I have done, and what I do for mission work (I began a not-for-profit ministry that serves in the U.S. to many, and I have done mission work since 1992, from 1 to 5 trips a year) so basically I was not trying to toot my own horn, but say hey! I DO work for many, and the lower income, poor, homeless, etc-is what I work with! I also said (and many believers will feel I am wrong) but the government and myself do not have the right to tell you that you can  not have an abortion.  I think the government has too much control, and even though I feel to my deepest inner being, how wrong abortion is, I can not restrict a person's choice.  So how do i rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to death?  (I will address that on another blog soon!)

             The freedom to post our opinions, even if opposing-is one thing this country is about.

                                                                 Freedom.

So later in the week, someone else, totally different page-different poster---posted something that I found to be very rude.

  I waited 3 hours before posting my thoughts, because I wanted to pray about what I posted, (not that I did not pray before I posted before on the other site too) --but since this person claimed to be a believer-I knew I would be handling this person differently, as this person should know the scriptures

-here is what was originally posted:
"someone that flips hamburgers and drops fries into grease does need to have their pay changed............. to 50 cents and hour "  (typos are the poster)

Others responded at first, and then I posted this:
"Are you meaning that the employees do not deserve to be paid more than 50 cents an hour?"  
(because at first I read it wrong, and thought the poster was referring to the corporate level, not the 'little' workers- and I was not the only person who read the original post wrong, one of my sons who had posted before me -had read his post incorrectly too, thinking the same thing.)

This person responded again, saying  unskilled workers=unskilled pay.  (and said more too)

I responded:  "So underpaying them at 50 cents an hour like you said above is ok to do?  Im sorry, but I have a different opinion. I believe we are to pay a fare wage.  They can protest, they can ask for more, and just because they do-I do not believe that as a believer of YHWH it is ok to reduce their pay to 50 cents.  my opinion. " (typos mine)

The original poster then said: "The 50 cents was obviously sarcasm but anything over 5 dollars an hour that a trained monkey can do for free is too much. Yes monkeys can be trained to flip burgers for free..."

All I could say at that time was wow.  This person professes to be a believer, and was acting like this on facebook?  Again, freedom of speech allows this -but as a believer, I think we have to try to do better.

 I am not perfect, by no means, we all fail, I have many times, but when it is pointed out  to you how you are behaving, would you change, apologize? I would think so, but no-this person did not.

Proverbs 25:12 says: Valid criticism is as treasured by the one who heeds it as jewelry made from finest gold. 

A number of people tried to discuss this, telling this poster that they (using "they" so you do not know if the poster was male or female as to avoid identifying the person)  --were being rude and unreasonable but this person would not hear it.  I thought, really?  YHWH has a plan for how we are to treat others, including so called unskilled workers.  We are to pay a fair wage,  (GODs word says so) and HE has guidelines as to how we are to treat the workers!

1 Timothy 5:18

English Standard Version (ESV)

18 For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.”

I put up the following scriptures to try to show the person what YHWH says:

Deuteronomy 15:7

“If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother.”

Psalm 82:3-4

"Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

Proverbs 31:8-9

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Jeremiah 22:13

“Woe to him who builds his palace by unrighteousness, his upper rooms by injustice, making his countrymen work for nothing, not paying them for their labor.?"

Proverbs 14:31

“He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”

 I did not put up as many scriptures that there are out there, but tried to put a number of them up so I hopefully could show this person what YHWH/GOD had to say about it.  

 The posts were then all removed, so I thought, yes, this person has thought about the whole thing and removed it.  Maybe the LORD GOD YHWH has spoken to this person's heart. 

No, the next post was put up saying offensive things too, and when this person was questioned again by my daughter--because she was offended by this persons posts, her posts were removed.  She then posted the same thing, but again-removed.  Anything that was not lining up with how this person felt was removed.  Scripture was removed.  But by other posts, I noticed that the one scripture that this person seems to like is -how to judge others.  That tells the heart of the person.  Only judgement is ok.  

We can only judge when we judge thru YHWH/YAHWEH's eyes and HIS word as a guide to judge.  ALL of HIS word, not just here and there pieces!

 Well the story that YHWH brought to my mind when seeing all of this happening was the one about the money changers and how angry YESHUA became when HE went into the outer courts and saw how the poor were being treated by those selling to them---HE overturned the money changers tables.  Wow! that is when I see our LORD becoming angry, with those who were taking advantage of the poor-HE was not angry with the poor, but those who were taking advantage of them.  Not paying a fair wage is also taking advantage of the poor.  So why does this person not see that in the scriptures?  

Because many people who claim to be a believer, pick and choose what they want to believe in the scriptures.  Confusing.  

But YHWH /GOD says we will know them by their fruits-that means your actions will speak loudly to others.  

Fast forward to after several posts by others, and the scriptures I posted, and my daughter trying to talk with this person privately, since she was so hurt/offended-she reached out to this person privately---although scripture says this: 

23 So if when you are offering your gift at the altar you there remember that your brother has any [grievance] against you,

24 Leave your gift at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then come back and present your gift.

25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way traveling with him, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison.

26 Truly I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last fraction of a penny.  

Who do you think the judge is that the person will hand the other person over to? 

But my daughter took the higher road and reached out to this person right away -- not because this other person was offended, but because my daughter was and wanted to make things right.

I want to explain why my daughter was offended: 

My daughter works in a bakery at a grocery store, she works hard.  She is often lifting boxes that weigh 50# or more over her head, as well as working around a hot oven all day-winter or summer!  My son-in-law, her husband works at McDonalds, he has for years-and is now moving up in management.  He works hard too-long hours.  I am thankful that they both have a job, and they are both providing for each other in their life, working to pay off their home and pay for things and needs themselves and not taking handouts.  They are eligible for some, but don't take them (AND I am NOT saying that it is wrong to take help from the government-no, not at all-it is fine to do so if you need the help). They do not have a college education, so would be considered not a skilled worker.

Why put them -as well as other non skilled workers, workers who serve us-down? This is soo very wrong of a christian to do.  We have to be better folks!

And my daughter and her husband have provided a place for our other daughter to live for almost 4 years, as she attended school.  That too is sacrifice.  

 But this person, continued to be rude to my daughter.  

It reminds me of one time when my other daughter -who was at a former job she use to work at, a coffee place along the toll road, was told by a customer-

                            "you will never amount to anything if you keep working here..." 

My daughter was not allowed to respond back at all, but what she wanted to say was this:  "I sir, am working my way thru college, paying my own way-doing this as well as another job while I attend school full time.  I am using this money, how little I make- to pay my way so you -as a taxpayer, do not have to pay my way on grants etc." 

See, you never know about a person!  This daughter is now a teacher by the way!  

Here is what I think about 'unskilled labor' as this person called them:

The person is AT LEAST working

providing income for their family

and I remember that they are made in GODs image and are one of HIS children (we are all HIS children, just some have turned away from HIM and those folks -if you who are a believer-you need to be more loving and kind -representing the SAVIOR to them)  ---SO be KIND!

What I learned from all of this is sometimes believers are the worse to work with.  And that folks---is WRONG.  

I am saddened this week by all of this. The first time this happened this week, I worked with someone online with a different opinion, they were willing to allow the different opinions to be posted on their page, allow scripture that I shared to back my view to remain on their page, and they were very respectful.  That person is not a believer (as I believe).

  The other-who claims to be a believer-was rude, kept taking down the scriptures -censoring things others were saying- including scripture! 

This is one reason why some who do not believe about YHWH do not want to hear about HIM from us or the good news we have to share about YHWH and what HIS SON has done for us!  With social media, they see it this type of behavior more often and it really turns them off!

We as believers need to be better than this, if in fact we are spouting off on a social media site, yes on your own page-but still public---and you do throw up all over everyone in the process ---then be willing to help clean it up and not become a hard hearted person.

Oh I am sure now that this person will 'de-friend me' and really, I do not care.  

My daughter was offended.  

My daughter (as well as a few other people) were hurt and offended.  

As a believer this person has a responsibility, but has failed. 

I do not share this to point out one person, or persons, but to show and compare the reaction of non-believers and believers and to show that it is sad that the non-believer in the first post (original post about abortion) did far better than the believer.  We believers need to do better folks. 

And for the record:  I believe like scripture shows us: we are to pay a fair wage to workers for a day of work.  AND we are to pay enough to allow them to make a living with the cost of living around here. (that means different mcdonalds may pay different wages depending on which area of the country they are in)

Tipping is important too-I tip at 10% for average service, and at 15-20 or even 30% or more for better to wonderful service.  Why?  Not because I am made of money, or because I want to say: hey look at me! How wonderful I am and I can pay and tip a lot! I tip because I want to show respect and appreciation for those who do a good job.  It is the right thing to do.
So is paying a person a fair wage, and that folks-includes McDonald workers.  

 Proverbs 14:31
“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

“He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”
Matthew 6:24

Vacation?

having dinner at our favorite restaurant...

Taking a vacation is a difficult thing for me. I set my vacation time a year in advance, commit to being off no matter who might be due, and then someone that I have served before-comes back as a repeat client and there the vacation goes.  I try, each year, to stay firm....but how can I say no to someone I have served before? But we as humans, all need time away from our regular lives, time to relax, time with our spouse, just time.....

So this year, Scott and I decided to 'camp'- in the local area, on a permanent site-this way I will be able to 'get away' yet I am still in the area.  The other advantage is we will not have to put up our pool at home and maintain that this year, the campground has a wonderful inground pool.  I plan to be found sitting at that pool as much as possible this summer. We also have access to the lake for enjoyment, fishing....
The savings on our pool at home, chemicals, cost of filters, cost of electric running the stuff---helps to pay for the lot rent at the campground.

Were also strongly considering selling our home and moving, so this is a step in that direction.  We would like to prepare our home for sale by this fall, and if it would sell, we could use the camper to stay in until we decide what we want to do and where we want to go.  We are so ready for a change...

So we spent some time shopping around looking for a inexpensive as possible deal on a camper-found a 5th wheel, and pulled it into the campground of our choice.

Then we had to start working on the campsite. But this work was fun, relaxing for us.   We had a lot of the wood for a deck already as well as many other supplies for camping, so we did not have to buy too much to get started.  But it would take some time to get things fixed up.

I also had to get a new mattress as the mattresses that come with a camper (used even) is something I just can not have...(gross-as well as very uncomfortable) .  So mattress shopping I went.
At one store, I called before I went to ask some questions on their advertised prices.  Was told yes, they sell the mattress without the box springs.  When I arrived, found out they marked the price way up if you do that-sort of like insurances and health care-fraud in my opinion.  So I had sort of given up, but stopped at some small store, just to look.  Figured the prices would be way too much (actually most are).  I asked the salesman for a deal.  Just spoke up front, honest with him.  Told him I did not want to spend a 2000 on a mattress for a camper...(the cost of a set that would work for us).  I asked him if he had any display mattresses available.  Yes actually he did!  He showed me one -a thick memory foam, asking over 600 dollars for it originally.  Now it was marked down to about 400.  (no box springs).  He said well...I can go down to--300  and he looked at my 'poker face' and then said maybe 250.  I said, ummm -no, but if he would take 225 AND carry it to the truck for me- I would take it.  He said yes.  There ya go, bargain hunters -you got to work with the price and thankfully have a sales man wanting to make a sale...

So for the camp ground, we spent a day building the deck, I spent a few days there staining and waterproofing it.  I also spent a day working on the fire pit, adding bricks around it for safety.  Everything was coming together just fine.  We have spent some time down there, it has been relaxing.  We are planning to enjoy the summer!

working on the deck

almost finished

fire pit

Nathan helping (doing most of it-as Scott 'watches, supervising' the hand railing at the steps

Nathan enjoying the hammock with his sons (the one he bought for me when he was in mexico as a teen!) 

Amish Birth and the Little Midwife

a pile of hay-that is hand harvested at an old order Amish home

some of the animals that often greet the midwife upon her arrival

The little Midwives phone rings, it is another momma ready to have her baby.  The woman’s husband gives the little midwife the information about when his wife’s labor began, and how she is doing.  The little midwife says she will be right over.

Upon arrival she sees the father helping the 2 and a 4 year old into their coats.  The little midwife smiles at the children as they look at her with big eyes.  They are not interested in what their father is doing as he struggles to put their coats on, but instead they are interested in this woman who just came into their home.  The little midwife leans down and asks them:  “Are you going to grandma’s house?”  She knows that they cannot understand her, since young Amish children do not speak any English, so she knows she is really directing the question to the father.  Amish children in this community do not learn the English language until they begin to attend school.

The father answers saying: “Yes, it is always fun to get to go to grandmas…”

Soon the father is walking out of the house holding a hand of each child as they begin the long walk to grandma’s house.  Although it is just across the road, this family lives down a very long lane, so it will be a long walk for a small child.

The little midwife set her bags down as she looks again at the laboring mother who is sitting in a rocking chair.  She sips on homemade grape juice, and rocks slowly.  She looks up at the little midwife and smiles.  She is happy to be in labor.

The little midwife goes into the bedroom and begins to set up her birthing supplies.  The young Amish couple has removed all of their items from on top of their dresser to give the midwife a place for her supplies.

Once she has set up her supplies, she goes out to the momma in labor and watches her.  The mother is smiling…quietly rocking.  One cannot tell how an Amish woman is doing, or how far along she is by just watching her in labor.  Most Amish women are very calm and often very quiet when in labor.  Amish woman accept labor as a perfectly normal function and they often just greet it happily.

The little midwife asks the woman to come into the room so she can see how she and her baby are doing.  The midwife places her hands onto the mother’s tummy and feels the baby respond with a kick, the baby is moving well.  The midwife then listens to the heart beat of the baby and its heart beat is strong.  She smiles at the woman.  She then tells her she will need to check her to see how she is doing, and she finds that the woman is 7 centimeters.  This means it will not be long now.  The little midwife wonders if the husband will make it back in time.   She tells her she should be back up walking or rocking and the woman moves out to the table.

She sits at the table by the window, watching for her husband to come back home.  Her contractions are now slow, and very short….this means the husband will make it back in time.  A cool summer breeze blows in the window, moving the curtains ever so slightly….the little midwife sits at the table with the laboring woman, waiting for her contractions to become stronger.

The woman waits.  She watches for her husband.

The midwife waits.  She watches the woman in labor.

The little midwife thinks about how simple the life is here in this community.  There is no TV, no electronics as in the 'English community'.  There are no gas powered appliances as many other Amish communities have.  This community does not have indoor plumbing-they may have a hand pump for water in the summer kitchen, but nothing else.  They all have outhouses, and a few have Ice houses for the refrigeration, or they may use coolers.  They garden and they will can the produce they raise.  They raise their own beef, pork, chickens, goats and sheep. They all have chickens for both meat and for the eggs. They often have fruit trees, and a few have ponds stocked with fish. They use a buggy pulled by horses and farm their fields with work horses.  Even the equipment that helps with the haying is pulled by draft horses.  They will walk or use a buggy to go places, but will take a ride in an auto to the main towns.  Their buggies are not allowed to have a cover on them even in the winter, rain, hail or sleet-they are uncovered.  Laundry day is hard work; they do laundry with an old wringer washer and always hang it on the line, even in the winter. There are no phone shacks, as with other Amish communities, so when they need to place a call, such as calling the midwife, they will have to walk or drive the buggy to a neighbor- who is home.  Often they may have to go 1-2 miles or even up to 5 or more to find a neighbor who is home-so they can use a phone.  Bicycles are not allowed in this community.

This young Amish woman sits waiting for the return of her husband so she can birth their baby.  The midwife sits with her, feeling the heat from the kitchens wood stove at her back, it is a stark contrast to the cool breeze from the window.  Many in the community have summer kitchens so the larger wood/kitchen stove does not have to be used during the summer, or they will use camp stoves in the summer months.  But in preparation for the birth and to keep the home warm for the new infant, the kitchen stove is fired up.

 The little midwife notices the woman’s posture change when the woman sees her husband from afar.  He is coming back home.  Within a minute of her noticing her husband walking back, her breathing becomes labored and her contractions become harder and longer.  The little Midwife is always in awe of how the bond between a husband and wife is so important for the labor process.

Upon his return the contractions are very difficult, and much longer, and soon the Amish woman moves into the bedroom and she climbs into bed.  Within minutes she pushes out her baby boy.

The 8# 12 ounce boy cries as he accepts this new world.  The Little midwife hands the baby to the mother and she pulls him close to her own face, so her cheek is up against his soft face.  The father leans over both his new son and his wife as he stares into the eyes of this newest child.  The little midwife remains vigilant at the birth, guarding its normalcy, but not disturbing the interaction she is blessed to witness ---no reason to disturb this moment with pointless words.

Soon the mother is nursing her son.  The little midwife begins to clean up the birth site.  Once done, she takes her supplies and quietly leaves the room. The mother has fed her baby and the baby is now tucked in beside the mother, sleeping.  The mother has had some warm soup, and now, she too will rest.  The little midwife sits her things down by the kitchen table, the same one this woman sat at not too many minutes before as she waited for her husband to come home.  The midwife sits at the same spot looking out the same window, feeling the gentle breeze as she finishes her notes.

The father walks outside to smoke (yes some Amish do smoke) he stands in the yard, and the little midwife hears him talking.  She leans to the window to see who he is speaking with and she sees an old mangy dog sitting on the ground beside the man.  The man continues to talk quietly, and the dog- as if he really is listening and understanding, looks up at his master –fixed onto his face as he continues to talk to the dog. 

The little midwife listens as she hears him call the dog’s name.  “Skid-boy,” He says to the dog

 “we have a boy……”

Snow Storm 2014

some of our chairs and a table covered in snow

The big storm was to arrive.  On Saturday Scott had to work 6 hours, and once home, cleaned up as I finished the preparations for church.  We climbed into the truck and off for a time of fellowship with our service.

Half way to the town of sturgis we came up onto a semi truck that was stopping in the road, unsure what he was doing, we went around him.  As we approached the stop sign, and prepared to turn, we saw 3 autos in the road ahead-stuck.  One was a small car that was stuck and the other two were moving but not much.  Scott had just traveled on these roads just 90 minutes before and they were clearer than this, now they were wind blown drifts about 2 feet high in some places across the road.  

So we turned around and headed south for the highway.  We took the long way to sturgis.  Once we got into town, we thought-if roads were this bad now, how might they be by 8 pm tonight?  We decided to not go to service after all, and instead we decided to go to lunch then to the store for a few things, and home.  

on the dirt road going to our home.  This is always such a beautiful area

I had a crock pot full of BBQ chicken legs to dish out to someone!  (home made BBQ sauce too!)
Nathan was the closest of our children-- so he got them.

 The next day --the storm would begin...

Up early in the morning, we decided to venture out.  (we are storm chasers at heart).  We were going to go to Kendaville  and do some grocery shopping, but our daughter Anastasia said that the scott grocery store was very picked over in the produce section.  So we   decided to go to our son Dustins home.  We had not seen him for some time (a few weeks).

his home as we approached it from the highway

a beautiful tree in his yard -covered in winter wonderness

their home

We were greeted by their cat

Scott had just got a new tablet (almost a week ago now) and still had not used it because we are technically challenged.  So Dustin helped us get it going.

Dustin and his bride, Samantha-they are just so cute! 

 His driveway was a bit of a challenge, but even worse  by the time we left.  We still wanted to go to town, and decided on going into sturgis.  The stores were picked over well, but we still got the supplies we needed.  Then home.  We took the long way home, avoiding back roads until the very last couple of miles.  Here are some photos as we drove...

the visibility was not good, but even worse over fields.  Here is a field as we drove, you can see the trees up close, but anything further than that, cant see them!

By the evening that night (Sunday) word was out that the county was declaring an emergency and anyone caught on the roads  would be given a ticket.  I guess we were officially snowed in!

Scott tried to plow in the evening, he would plow for about an hour, then come in and let the tractor rest, then go back.  It took about 3 trips of this to get anywhere.  During this time, we saw the fire truck and rescue truck, a few cops and a plow truck go past, down to the neighbors home.  Not sure what is up with that, praying for safety for all.

We enjoyed our time out driving, no one on the roads but a few stupid people like us.  But we did not go anywhere today while the 'ban' to drive is on.  People have been posting on face book about not wanting to be snowed in, being bored, how they can not wait until they can get out.  I love this.  I love being home, safe, warm, we have food, water, (although I did fill a number of containers with water-just in case) -we are blessed.
I especially love the time with my husband-this is great!

this is an older photo because it was too dark to go out to take his photo

here is the pile of snow from the driveway (I went out and took photos Monday morning)

His factory closed down for monday and tuesday.  Smart.  It is way too cold out there.
Enjoy some photos of our land in winter rest...

I was in the truck waiting for scott to clean off the roof.  He was going to be on the ladder and eventually on the roof, so I was out of the wind...this is my view...

huge pile of snow that was in the driveway, and now pushed away to the fence

our small path up to the back door

taken from inside the truck -what was covering the windshield

snow is half way high to the fence

frozen mustache 

winter chores

snow half way up the steps and covering the steps

Heart attack???

Well, I am still here.  For those of you who do not know, I may have had a mild heart attack.
Not totally sure at this point.

The past couple of years have been stressful.  Being arrested is not fun, nor is it easy and it definitely was not on my bucket list.  As with other happenings in my life that are not pleasant to go thru, once I am thru it- I can look back and say I have learned a lot.  One thing I did learn more about in the past couple of years since the arrest -was friendship, trust, and commitments.
~I learned who were 'true' friends, and who just wanted to pre-tend and then talk behind my back in a negative way. Even some in the birthing midwifery community.
~I learned who those were that were committed to being and remaining a friend and who just ran as fast as they could when the friendship was 'tested' during this tough time.
~I learned who to trust, and as the saying goes-who to keep close because they are in fact an enemy and I need to 'keep an eye' on them.

Me on the day of one of my hearings with several of my clients, all whom I fully trust...

With the social media, (aka facebook) I immediately gained about 500 'friends' after I was arrested.  Some have since 'de-friended me' once the initial drama was over.  That shows me they were only interested in watching the drama unfold.

Some are still 'friends', and many remain true to that friendship, but others not so.  Over the past few weeks I have been weeding many of those out.  Many still hang out as a 'friend' to watch  what is happening and others, remain because they really are a friend.  I only want real friends.

So I have begun to 'de-friend' those who I never really hear from, last week I got rid of 25 of them (well I de-friended them) and I felt good about that. If you dont care to comment once in awhile, or check how I am doing, then its time for you to go.  Now more to go!   I do not need the drama and stress of people who just want to spy on me.  I really do not.  I am not a child and will not act as one, and doing the spying thing, to me, is childish. I need and only want REAL friends,  who serve the LORD YHWH and whom we can fellowship on line, those whom I CAN trust and who have my back.  I know, I also need to be a light to others, and I am fine with that.  But, well-you know, there are just some-who have to go.

 I want to use face book as a way to keep up with certain people, and they with me.  I also want to use it as a witness to those who do not know YHWH as I do.

So the de-stressing by eliminating facebook friends will continue.  I will also work on other areas of stress in my life.  Stress has to go.

Why?

Because stress kills and I had a close call this week.

Monday began normally.  I had an appointment scheduled with a doctor (well actually a nurse practitioner) whom I have been seeing for my health care needs.  As a diabetic whose blood sugars were for a long time, not in control, and with having PCOS (that means it is difficult to lose weight ), someone with high triglycerides, (heart attack level and the diabetes and PCOS do not help lower those-in fact, helps to raise them) I need to do some serious changes.  I have been working on that for years, and with hard work, medicines and Herbals in combinations, I was able to lower all to good amounts.  Until the former doctor I saw-argued with me, calling me crazy, stupid, ---well more on that later.

So the other care providers I had been seeing over the years, were ok, but not all were very understanding about the PCOS and that plays huge into my health care and treatment plan.  Also they were men.  Sorry, but when a doctor comes to you as a woman, when you are overweight and just assumes all you do is eat junk, fried foods and fattening things, and then says the PCOS is nothing to worry about-it shows they are not the one I need to be seeing.

They would tell me: you need to just not eat that way (they did not believe me at how I really ate) and then say: you need to stop eating too much, or Don't eat fried foods Or don't eat junk or fast foods.  Ugg.  I would get so tired of arguing with them about how I did NOT eat that way. One use to call me stupid, crazy and other things when I would discuss the use of herbs or other treatment plans that did not include medication. My family did not believe me when I would tell them how he spoke to me.  Once my husband came to a appointment, and the doctor (from India) treated me soooo nice.  Why? Because my husband was there.  He was like a totally different man! So one time I had my oldest daughter attend an appointment with me.  After the appointment was over, she looked at me and said:  Mom forgive me, wow! He was rude!  But I needed a doctor, one that would prescribe the medications that I needed so for now, I was stuck.

Then after transferring a client and her baby to the hospital, I met a new doctor in ER who was setting up practice in my home town.  He told me to come talk to him (about helping back me as a Midwife) and soon we were taking our own mother there for care and then I transferred my care to him.

So the new doctor I was seeing, although he is really nice, he says: You need to just eat less and not eat fried foods, or fast food....Oh no, here we go again! I would just say -ya I know.  He too was not 'listening' to me about how I really ate!  He too, obviously did not understand PCOS and diabetes and their connection.  After a year or more under his care, he suggested that I see his nurse practitioner as 'she has had wonderful results helping people lower their blood sugars.'  

I thought, ok fine.  But here I go again, telling my story again, and will again most likely be told-stop eating so much, stop eating junk food, and stop eating fast food (even though I DO NOT eat that way)

So at the first appointment to see her, I was not happy. My body language spoke loudly.  The nurse noticed it and told me I do not have to be here, I can leave.  She was not being mean, just stating facts.  I said no, I will follow thru-Its just I was not looking forward to telling my life story again-- to someone who would look at me and going thru the same thing-again. (I did not realize who this NP was until she walked in-I use to work with her)

She came in, and I was happy with seeing her.  Then she looked at me and said, Ireena, you have to eat.  I thought; what? ......she got it..........  This will work.  (also, she herself had battled weight all of her life so she really understood)

See, I normally will get up about 6 am, and I can go until 1 or 2 or 3 pm until I eat anything.  Then I eat a good meal, and maybe its the ONLY meal I eat all day!  I may eat something in the evening time, and maybe not.

Yes I know, that is NOT healthy.  I KNOW that, I preach to woman all the time how to eat healthy! What I do eat -when I eat- it is healthy.  I try to eat organic as much as I can, we raise most of our own food-including meat, veggies and eggs. But the not eating until so late in the day, messes with my blood sugar, and also not eating enough-often I do not eat enough---my body is thinking it is starving all the time.  So it reserves EVERYTHING I eat-even healthy stuff, and stores it.   Plus with PCOS, my body will have a higher sugar and higher triglycerides.

She also changed my insulins (I had been on the same one for about 8 years-and even with the not eating enough-- it was NOT working)

Wow, when she did this---I noticed a change in my sugars!  So I have been under her care now for a few months, seeing improvements...my HbA1C has dropped!

So onto my story: Monday was my regular appointment but they called in the morning and asked due to a meeting the NP had to go to, if I would come in earlier or would I like to change it to another day.  I thought, no, for some reason-due to how I had been feeling over the past week, I thought-I really needed to see her.  I would come in early.

I had been feeling exhausted-for weeks.  After sleeping for 8-10 hours, (I had been going to bed really early) I would wake up and be so tired. I was not sure why, but it was not the normal me.

 I have been having dental work done over the past 3 months, removing silver fillings, and having them replaced with the healthy ones.  And just a week before this doctor (NP) appointment, I had my teeth cleaned.  I always get pre-medicated due to a history of having had Pericarditis.

'Pericarditis is a swelling and irritation of the pericardium, the thin sac-like membrane that surrounds your heart. Pericarditis often causes chest pain and sometimes other symptoms. Pericarditis is usually sudden and short-lived (acute).'

 That was years ago.  I occasionally will have a issue again, and have to really watch my fluid intake.  Too little and I feel strange things with my heart.

So at the dentist office, they took my blood pressure, and it was 99 over 50 something.  That is not my normal.  I usually run about 130s over 80s.  If this really is my B/P right now, it is a huge drop.  I thought, she must have done it wrong. I am not going to worry and tell her she done it wrong, what ever!

 But as the days went on, I continued to feel so tired.  So I thought, I will check my blood pressure myself....and when I did, noticed it was so low.  I re-checked it right a way, with a different cuff-still very low!  90s over 50s.  I kept a close eye on it over the next week, and I noticed I would feel a strange feeling in my head, not dizzy, just weird, and my pressure would be low when that happened.   Plus,  I was so very tired.  The highest the b/p went that week was 110s over 60s.

  I told the NP about this and also about some minor discomfort I had been feeling in my chest too for a few weeks.  She thought it would be a good idea to do a EKG.  I agreed.

After it was done, the nurse who did it hurried out to show the results to the NP and she in turn, showed it right away to the doctor (the nurse had left the door open so I could hear it all) they talked about me maybe wearing a holter (a portable device to monitor you for a day or so, you wear it at home) and then decided to call a cardiologist and I heard it all.  'Should I send her by ambulance or.....ok...yes...thank you.'

The NP came in and told me it did not look good, and I was to go to the ER.  She asked which hospital was my choice, and I said Borgess (known for their excellence with heart stuff, they are one of the top hospitals in the country for heart stuff)

They has told her, if I have been experiencing this over the past few weeks, then it was probably not happening right now, but 'had' already happened so it was not an emergency-where I needed to go right now...via ambulance.  I could drive myself (well hubby was) and it would be ok for us to go home and pack a bag, take care of the animals, and then drive to the hospital.  They will plan to keep me and monitor my heart and do some testing.

So we went home and Scott fed the animals, and I packed a bag, then off we went.

Well Long story short, in the ER the EKG was normal, and so were the labs.  But they wanted to admit me for observation.  I know, you do not just admit someone for observation if everything is 'normal'.  So  that made me wonder if they did not see something more but still wanted to be sure---I knew I was going to be admitted but if everything was in fact normal, then why admit me?

"EKG (Electrocardiogram)

This test detects and records the heart's electrical activity.  The test shows how fast the heart is beating and its rhythm and if the beat is regular, or irregular and steady.  An EKG also records the strength and timing of the electrical signals as they pass through each part of the heart.It can show signs of heart damage due to coronary heart disease and signs of a previous or current heart attack. " 

As we were driving to the hospital-I was working on writing checks to pay the bills, thinking if it is the worse, if anything happens, then this needs done to help Scott out.  I expected Scott to just drive, and go by whatever our GPS said, but our GPS unit was not being very reliable, and seemed to take us all over. He asked me about better directions and I laughed and said, I am busy over here having a possible heart attack along with writing out bills-you figure it out! (got to keep your humor a little bit!)  I did have peace....YHWH was with me....

 I talked to our children on the phone, they were on the way-I told them that they might make it to the hospital before us because it appeared that we were lost! We took a wrong turn from the directions my sister had given us, and thus had to rely on the GPS system only. But It finally came thru for us!

Once at the ER, an IV was begun (by a new nurse, who blew the first one, and now I had a huge hematoma at that site), then she finally was able to get one started-in a very tender spot that only inexperienced nurses will start them in that location....ouch.

I had the copy of the EKG that was done at the office, they made a copy of that one, and once on the floor another one was done too.  My 3rd EKG (this might cost a bit!)  By then my children were there. As the second one was being done my dil who is a nurse watched it.  It did not look normal either.
shucks. that is not good

So was it a MI?  By the labs, it did not show it, but my dil said if it happened awhile ago, (not today) then the labs may not show it even though the EKG says so. (Troponin levels can remain high after a heart attack for a few weeks)They do this test when you arrive at ER then about every 8 hours a few more times. They are time sensitive.

Blood tests:  during a heart attack, heart muscles die and release proteins into the blood stream.  Blood tests can measure the amount of these proteins in the blood stream.  If they are higher than normal, it suggests a heart attack.  

So I was to spend the night, I wore a monitoring device and was awakened often for sets of vitals, labs,  EKG, blood sugar checks.  None of these tests were done together, all were done separate, meaning just as I would fall asleep-again-I was wakened again.  Hubby was asleep in the reclining chair beside me. At least one of us was getting sleep.

In the mid morning I was sent to the cardiac lab, and a stress test was done.  That was uncomfortable.  Instead of running on a treadmill, I was told to lay still, and given a medication that speeds up the heart rate.  Having to lie still, and have the heart race like that-it would have been easier to run on the tread mill.  My mind kept telling me that when laying down, it is unnatural to have your heart rate go that fast.

  It became so difficult and I just had to keep praying....my body wanted to do relaxation techniques, and I had to work at NOT doing just that to slow my breathing and heart...(remember I am trained to help women relax in labor, so doing relaxation techniques come very natural to me).  I was told to pump my feet and given a stress ball to hang onto and pump, to try to raise my heart rate faster all while being on your side.

The problem I think was, the nurse accidently gave me the medication that lowers my heart rate first (it was to be given AFTER the test is done to help lower the heart rate again to normal) so now they had to give extra medication to get it to go faster.  great. So a test that was to take about 45 minutes from beginning to end, took 2 hours.  Scott was very stressed waiting and not knowing if I was ok or not!

As the test was done, my heart would not come down to regular rate for a long time, even with the medication.  They kept talking about that-and I think were a little worried (although a doctor is right there the whole time as your having the test done-just in case you 'code')
As I waited for my heart rate to come back to its normal rate, YHWH told me to do some deep breathing and just close my eyes and relax...breath deep, focus on resting....relax.  Finally, I heard them say...its dropping....HE is so good!

There were no blockages found in the heart!  That is a praise!  YHWH is so good to me, despite all I have went thru, HE is not done with me! (even if some older church friends might think that HE is)

 I have to trust there is no other vessels or arteries outside of the heart area that is clogged- like in the other arteries!

I was told I could go home in the evening.  Thankfully. The PA could not tell me why all of this had happened. I asked her about having had pericarditis years ago and if perhaps that had happened again, she did not know.  So she went to speak with a cardiologist and came back to speak with me.  We talked about all of it for a good hour.

  Here is what I think after all of that:  I believe that maybe perhaps I did have a previous MI, a mild one, at sometime.  Maybe I had it on the day I was arrested? Dont know. And it really does not matter when it happened, just that it did.

 The EKG showed something.  That we are sure of.  But the blood work, if it was an old one, would not be showing anything at this time.

  There was some reason my b/p dropped so low for over a week, and some reason that I had felt the way I did.  Maybe it was not even related to the MI.  Who knows!

And, maybe, just maybe YHWH totally healed me.

I can only pray it is true and I choose to give HIM all of the praise that HE deserves!