A Lot Of Updates!~

So it has been since May this last year since I have written anything on any one of my blogs!  Wow, I guess I have been busy.  So here are some of my updates:

I continued from May until fall, dealing with the legal battles in the county.  They are extremely slow in this county (that was said by other county's actually, not just me) and I was also told that they were hanging onto my case because of the other midwife.  So there I sat, waiting for a number of years for them to just 'let it go'. 

Finally-they did.  The case was dismissed.  It is done. There is so much more to all of this too, but nothing I will put into writing at this time. sorry.. 
in time...
maybe I will write a book...

So by the fall, it was all done. FINALLY!

    My husband and I are trying to get the house ready for sale.  We want to move.  Getting the house ready is taking more time than we like, just because we are a bit older...we have a roof to replace,  new garage doors, new doors for our walk out basement area, a front garden that is a mess of weeds to untangle, new front steps and walkway to finish.  Its tough when you're older!  Just a word of warning to everyone-get your work done before you age!

We also bought a camper this past late winter/early spring. Rented a permanent spot at a local campground, and enjoyed relaxing times there.  Below are a few photos.  

The other new stuff in my life-I had a mild heart attack(?) issue last december.  Thankfully nothing was 'clogged' it was all stress related (go figure why I had stress in MY life!) 

Well, enjoy the photos below! 

the camp fire...a work in progress,  it will be larger next year! 

Working on the deck

enjoying the family hammock 

enjoying the pool, with out the work of maintaining the pool!  :)

Now, this photo has a story:  (see below)

UPDATE :About the Legal Stuff in my life

81 

⁷³ 

 I wrote this months ago and never posted it.  I will post it now...

Yod

73 Your hands have made me and fashioned me;
Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.
74 Those who fear You will be glad when they see me,
Because I have hoped in Your word.
75 I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are right,
And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
76 Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort,
According to Your word to Your servant.
77 Let Your tender mercies come to me, that I may live;
For Your law is my delight.
78 Let the proud be ashamed,
For they treated me wrongfully with falsehood;
But I will meditate on Your precepts.
79 Let those who fear You turn to me,
Those who know Your testimonies.
80 Let my heart be blameless regarding Your statutes,
That I may not be ashamed.

ך Kaph

81 My soul faints for Your salvation,
But I hope in Your word.
82 My eyes fail from searching Your word,
Saying, “When will You comfort me?”
83 For I have become like a wineskin in smoke,
Yet I do not forget Your statutes.
84 How many are the days of Your servant?
When will You execute judgment on those who persecute me?
85 The proud have dug pits for me,
Which is not according to Your law.
86 All Your commandments are faithful;
They persecute me wrongfully;
Help me!
87 They almost made an end of me on earth,
But I did not forsake Your precepts.
88 Revive me according to Your lovingkindness,
So that I may keep the testimony of Your mouth.

Psalm 119:73-88



It has been awhile since I have updated anyone.  Because the case is still pending-I can not comment much at all.

All along, they have  had nothing on me, all I did was assist at a birth.  Anyone is allowed to assist at a birth in the state of Indiana.

Also in the state of Indiana, you are allowed to attend peoples births if they are of the same faith.  So women can attend women from the same faith/church.

They continue to use me ---trying to get to the other midwife.  That has been confirmed (which is what I thought all along) so all of this has happened to me because of the other midwife.

And so---I still wait....

I ask GOD / YHWH to give me the following: Psalm 18:28-45.

I ask for your lamp-I ask for your shield, I ask for your strength, I ask for your teachings, I ask for your path, so I can ....do what you say in the following scriptures....I will wait on you LORD...

For You will light my lamp;
The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness.
29 For by You I can run against a troop,
By my God I can leap over a wall.
30 As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

31 For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength,
And makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places.
34 He teaches my hands to make war,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

35 You have also given me the shield of Your salvation;
Your right hand has held me up,
Your gentleness has made me great.
36 You enlarged my path under me,
So my feet did not slip.

37 I have pursued my enemies and overtaken them;
Neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed.
38 I have wounded them,
So that they could not rise;
They have fallen under my feet.
39 For You have armed me with strength for the battle;
You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.
40 You have also given me the necks of my enemies,
So that I destroyed those who hated me.
41 They cried out, but there was none to save;
Even to the Lord, but He did not answer them.
42 Then I beat them as fine as the dust before the wind;
I cast them out like dirt in the streets.

43 You have delivered me from the strivings of the people;
You have made me the head of the nations;
A people I have not known shall serve me.
44 As soon as they hear of me they obey me;
The foreigners submit to me.
45 The foreigners fade away,
And come frightened from their hideouts.

Birthday...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....

That has been my theme verse for over a year now.  I guess its all I can hold onto at this point--after GOD and my family.  Hope.  Hope is all I have, without it---I will die.

waiting outside the court house room 

Its been a year-from birthday to birthday---marking off 365 days from one event to the next.  Last year for my 50th birthday, I was sitting at the county court house waiting to hear if I would have the hearing or not.

people gathered waiting with us....friends, family, all here to support me!

My friends, and family were there.  (yes I do remember who was there and who was not-friends, family, and clients-and I also remember those who really wanted to be there, but could not due to work or other commitments, but still fully supported me. I thank you!! )

 Those of you have been true with your support, faithful when I need you--all I can say is thank you!  GOD/YHWH has seen your support, seen how you came beside me and allowed me to lean on you when I needed to.  Being faithful like that--when someone is down, hurting, is just like being the good Samaritan.  The person needing help does not have to have just been robbed and beat up like in the story, that is not the point to the story.  The point is that you see someone that needs help, you help.  You reach out, outside of your comfort zone even, and help.  The good Samaritan did not know the guy, he did not know if he was a bad man to others who had been beat up for sins he had done, he just helped him because it was the right thing to do.

But how does some who know me help or support?  They judged me, left me as a friend, turned their backs on me---yes, I remember those who would not be there---no matter what---yes I remember you too. For those of you who did not support me- did not want to support me---I remember your lack of support at such a very difficult time in my life. I remember ....But, I chose forgive you a long time ago---only because it is the best thing for me to do for myself.  I dont forget though.  But if I would see you hurting, needing help, I would still be there because that is the type of person I am, regardless of how you have treated me.

              GOD/YHWH knows, and HE has been faithful, has been there for me --no matter what.

Well, so we were finally called in, and it took a whole 30 seconds.  Made the judge mad, because my family walked in to sit down-and the judge says: who is she with her entourage messing up my court room with 'noise'........( as they walked in to sit down.)  30 seconds later, they were standing up and walking out.  I told my attorney in the hall after words that my family and friends (again true friends and true clients) will ALWAYS be there when ever I am in court.  No matter how many months, years it takes.  He says yes he knows.

a good friend and fellow midwife here with her family all for support of me! 

clients and their families! 

dinner after the court hearing-2012

Do you know that Susan B.  Anthony was a woman of faith, but also a mover and shaker to make changes for women too.  She broke the laws, she made changes that those who have opposed me and what I have went thru, live and are reaping the benefits from.  On June 18th, in 1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 dollars for attempting to vote for the President.  (against the law back then-so she broke the law) Laws that are not right, if not challenged, will never be changed. are you brave enough to do something like this? Even if it means jail time? Do you realize that the $100.00 then would be about $1980 today?  ( calculate here)  Read more here

Now here 15 months later I still wait for this to be done and over with.. This county is totally messed up.  Why with NO complaints, NO bad outcome, am I still waiting to finish this?  Another midwife in a different county faced arrest too, but there were some bad outcomes with births, (nothing she actually caused to happen, but they still charged her with stuff) and her case is DONE. Done in about 3-4 months.  This county I live in has a reputation at being very very slow.  Our tax dollar pays for what?

Today I turn 51.  I still wait for this to be over.

I have lost friends, lost clients.  When clients whom you have served make a choice to not have you attend their birth again, it does hurt. It has not been too many actually, and I am grateful for that.  I give a lot to my clients, for me---it is like being in a marriage in a way-so when they do not use me again, it is like a divorce to my heart.  But GOD / YHWH can heal that too.  As for friends, I guess they were not real friends then if they made the choice to not stay.

 I know if I could have had a choice of a midwife attended birth with my births,  I would have followed my midwife anywhere--but that is me.  I was not given a choice like that.  I was forced into hospital births.

I have gained friends, gained clients.  GOD alone replaces.  There have been some very very sweet clients whom have chosen to stay with my care.  They have 'followed' me to where ever I can deliver, and I thank you for that!  They trust in what GOD has given me with a gift to serve them, and so where I can serve, them come. I look forward to the future to serving them some day in their own homes instead of up in Michigan where they need to come for now. As for new friends, many!  I love that.  GOD replaces.  HE really does!

I continue to wait on YHWH and trust HIM.

It is all I can do...
for now, happy birthday to me....maybe I will watch a movie....

Indiana GOV signs midwife bill into law!

Photo taken by Michelle Sanders CPM
I wrote this months ago, and never posted it.  I will post it now.

This past week in the state of Indiana, the bill to license Certified Professional Midwives (CPM's) was signed into law by our Governor.  I did not attend, because I had been up all night with a birth in Michigan at the Birth center with one of my favorite clients/family--- who travels from over 2 hours away to use my services!  I am so blessed!

I want to thank everyone who has helped with this process, who has wrote letters to get this bill thru, who has made phone calls and contacted their elected officials.  Thank you.  It is you the consumer who they will listen to, and so it is you the consumer that made the difference.

I am sooo thankful for those who have stuck by my side thru this very tough year, who have and continue to use my services.  As a midwife, it is sort of like a marriage.  We make an agreement of service to our clients, and they also make an agreement to us-we build trust, a relationship, and when it continues birth after birth, thru the tough times, and easy times, it is so beautiful.  I thank you for your loyalty.  I love what I do, and I love my clients!

Very few have left my services, so for all of you who have stayed by me, used my services, and are still planning on using my services, I thank you!!  I have been so blessed by the  phone calls, letters and support. It is really wonderful and needed-in many ways that I can not even share or tell you, but YHWH knows! Thank you! I can not express enough how very much I appreciate you sticking with me, using my care for your birth, and support thur the process of getting this bill passed.  Your comments and letters brighten my days, and when I have those days I am down, I re-read those messages, and the LORD uses them to lift me up.

The birth center up in Michigan is going very well, and those who have traveled to use its facilities, have been truly blessed!  Many have said, where ever I am-they will go, because they want my services and that is  more important to them than where they deliver.  I thank each of you for that! That alone shows the support I have had this past year.  The birth center has held its own, and we pray it continues to grow and is blessed.  GOD has a calling for me with the service of women, and as long as HE has called me, I will go....

Blessings to you!
Ireena

Sing-Daughter of Zion!

I wrote this post a year ago, so will publish it now...finally

¹⁴ 

Sing, Daughter Zion;

    shout aloud, Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
    Daughter Jerusalem!
¹⁵ The Lord has taken away your punishment,
    he has turned back your enemy.
The Lord, the King of Israel, is with you;
    never again will you fear any harm.
¹⁶ On that day
    they will say to Jerusalem,
“Do not fear, Zion;
    do not let your hands hang limp.
¹⁷ The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”

¹⁸ “I will remove from you
    all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals,
    which is a burden and reproach for you.
¹⁹ At that time I will deal
    with all who oppressed you.
I will rescue the lame;
    I will gather the exiles.
I will give them praise and honor
    in every land where they have suffered shame.
²⁰ At that time I will gather you;
    at that time I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise
    among all the peoples of the earth
when I restore your fortunes^[a]
    before your very eyes,”
says the Lord.

Zephaniah 3:14-20

                           It has been a whole year...
                                                               since my arrest.

  By dates ---the year is here, this past weekend-although it happened on a Sabbath...March 31st, 2012.

Diary: 2013

Sunday the 31st:
I was up last night, hard to sleep the whole night. So from being tired this morning, that allowed me to sleep in-past the time of the actual arrest.  Then hubby cooked me a breakfast, which was not as good as last years-but still ok.  He actually forgot what today 'was'.  I think if he would have remembered, perhaps we would have left the house early just to not be here-- with the memory.

This past year, has been a HUGE learning experience for me.  To begin with, myself and my family were exiled from a church that I use to attend.  Many who attend there, do not even know what all really happened, what all was really said by some from there-- to myself and my family.  Most important GOD/YHWH heard all and knows all. I will not argue this with anyone, so if your reading this, and want to fight with me about it-forget it.  I am past trying to work with anyone there.  I have kicked the dust off from my feet and moved on.

So that is it for that.

 Life is too short. There are too many people out in the world who do not know the LORD YESHUA as their savior, who live with out basic needs, for me to stay behind and fight with people--a group--- that do not as a usual, even reach out to others on the mission field 

Mission work? I have worked at that for years, 20 years actually---even with the leadership of a church opposing my efforts.  I sat before the board of elders-I will never forget that-and was accused of not following the LORD, not doing HIS will all because they did not agree with me.  Told me that the old testament scriptures I was sharing with them, were "not for today".  really?    Another reason for no support: they did not see anyone getting saved.  Really?  I am a seed planter.  I know that, I accept that, and know that I will not see the harvest for the most part.  It is amazing that people think you will plant the seed, water it and then sit there and watch for the harvest.  It does not always work that way.  I know that.

Scott and I attended this 'church' for over 29 years, (our second child, a son, was 6 weeks old when we began to attend there) --(minus about 5 years in the middle of that time where we left after a church split) and thus I can say I do know how things were. We were there in the 'beginning'.   That is a long time to commit to  someplace, even with our differences with some people.  The lies that was told about me, GOD/YHWH knows all.  I give it to HIM.

I moved on.
Now to finish healing.....

the air plane (yes with propellars!) from Portland to Eugene!

April 1st:
Monday, I flew out to a conference in Eugene Oregon.

I believe this is Mt Hood,  (I was told on the plane) How tall that mountain stands to be well above the clouds like this...

Hermine and myself...

 I was involved with a summit on the persecution of midwives across the nation.  This was an all day pre-conference event hosted by Midwifery Today- sponsored by Midwifery today and Human Rights in Childbirth (HRiC). Hermine Hayes-Klein who put on the Human Rights in Childbirth Conference in the Hague 2012, led the discussion.


  This is also my first Midwifery Today conference.

I arrived, and that evening went to dinner with about 25-30 other people, some attorneys, some persecuted midwives or birth workers, and some who were here to support us all. We ate at a Tia restaurant.

After a good meal, we returned to the hotel, and I turned in for the night.  It was about 10-11 pm out here, but back home---and for my internal clock-it was 1-2 am!

I had NO idea how this day---would effect me, this pre-conference summit, for human rights about birth.  I was crying, more than I have in a long time.

The day of my arrest, I cried all day, then I did not cry much at all until I began to attend a (new to us) fellowship of believers, different from the church who disowned me the day I was arrested.  The first few times we were at this fellowship, I sat and cried.  A lot-it felt like.  Sometimes I just would walk away to another room and sit, because I was crying so...hurtful tears, mourning tears, and healing tears. I was accepted at this new 'fellowship' but I still needed healing.  That would take months....

Since then, I have not cried much at all. And this day of the Summit-the healing began.  No longer judged for being arrested, just given strength in return for standing up for the rights of others-

When I was arrested, the bail bonds man gave us small hand cuffs with her name on them, and for the past year, this set has hung on my door.  I see them when I go out, and come in. It has been a constant reminder, of what I have went thru.  Consistent reminder to pray too before I leave the house .

I have kept my back doors covered, my windows covered, not allowing anyone to come up and able to look into my home.  If your at my door, you would not be able to see into my home. It is a protective thing for me.

GOD / YHWH told me to bring those handcuffs to the conference, and I was to 'wear' them as jewelry  on the day of the summit.  I obeyed.  They were wrapped around my left wrist.  I share them as I spoke and gave my testimony. The summit lasted all day....  Testimony from  midwives, doctors who have been persecuted  a panel of attorneys from all over-even other countries who have worked for the basic human rights of people were there.  It was a humbling honor to have been asked and to participate in this discussion.

Myself on the panel, The woman to my left, at the microphone is Robbie Davis-Floyd, she is not on the panel but led the discussion.  I will not show the other panel members to protect them...

GOD has a bigger plan.  Remember, a year before I was arrested, HE told me I would be arrested-I asked him no, I would rather not, but said I would obey HIM.  I could have stopped then.  I could have moved away-like to a state where I can get that state license, (example in Virginia I hold a license from the state medical board-yes really!) But GOD /YHWH has a bigger plan and I am to be involved in that.

SO with the handcuffs----Once the summit was over, HE told me that Jan was to remove them, (Jan T. is the one who began Midwifery Today, and is so wonderful and giving, a real friend. )  and I was to leave them with her.  Again, I obeyed- obedience is important.   I do not need to know the reasons-I just need to obey.    It helped to continue the flow of tears for me, and also the healing.  I was allowing the freedom that HE had done for me, even with this arrest-to begin working in my heart.

Jan Tritten and Myself, holding the removed hand cuffs. 

Now tonight, at the Christian Midwives meeting, again, healing....My friend Brenda who has also been arrested, we were so blessed tonight.  As well as others who have went thru this.  Beautiful group of women, singing...... worshiping YHWH and HIS SON and all they have done for us...

Praising and worshiping HIM in song, dance, prayer, HE blessed me with more healing tears...

I will post this now....
and for now, perhaps I can truly sleep peacefully for the first time in a long time....

There is healing....

Jail...part 2......

“When a man does a piece of work which is admired by all we say that it is wonderful; but when we see the changes of day and night, the sun, the moon, and the stars in the sky, and the changing seasons upon the earth, with their ripening fruits, anyone must realize that it is the work of someone more powerful than man.”

— —Chief Standing Bear

I have learned a lot-I already know that Someone more powerful IS in control.  I knew that.  But it is still always good to see HIM-my GOD-YHWH- in action.  I have also learned about friendship and about support. 

 I have learned that some say they support-yet hold the knife, so you should not turn your back on them...(remember the saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer?  It is true.) 

I have seen that you will get support from those who want to see the midwife laws changed-who will fight with all they have to do just that.  I have learned that you get support from those who want to see the government out of the family’s private business-and who do not want to regulate midwifery, but just want the government to stay out of the people’s business. (Wouldn’t that be wonderful?!) You will get support from many, for different reasons, but you will receive it from all over the world.  It has been amazing.   I have ‘met’ many, on line, many wonderful people. I thank all of you for your ongoing encouragement. 

The prayers from those people who support me--- have also been such a blessing.

Going thru this, going thru something tough-standing up for others and their rights ---it does make me think-

--how many of you would stand up for what you believe to be wrong, how hard would you try to make changes-, to take that stand-no matter the price you may pay?  

 I have been called a freedom fighter, a warrior, a law-breaker, a true friend, a strong woman, a woman of faith---a fighter for women, a fighter for families private rights, a trail blazer. 

 The day of my first hearing: 

before I walked into the court house, they sang a hymn.  My sister reached out to give me a hug, because I began to cry...it was the hymn that our daddy use to play his guitar and sing to us....she whispered to me, stop, dont let them (the authorities) see you cry,....

they lined the sidewalk, and I walked thru the crowd, now they follow me into the court house

speaking with a reporter...

going into the court house

My daughter and sister counted about 180 people in attendance and in support of me-even though the newspapers only reported 100 supporters who showed up on that day.  All of those people showed up in support and I thank them for that support. 

This guy was great! Got the town honking! 

the president of Indiana Midwives Association and I talk (photo from Goshen newspaper)

  GOD is still in control, and HE has exposed the hearts of many whom I thought was a friend.  Even Jobs friends came and sat with him.  I am thankful that HE-the FATHER has not left me.  HE is still in control of my life and I pray HE uses all of this for HIS glory. 

So here is the rest of my story:

The cement is cold.  The strange thing is it actually feels good on my back and neck. My head is pounding. My blood sugar is way off, I can tell.  But I rest a little.

I think about how I will have to sleep this way.  I am not sure I can rest while lying down on this hard (steel) bench. It is actually more comfortable sitting up like this. The little mat they give you to put on the steel “bed” is not even long enough for a child.  I would have to curl up into a ball to fit on it. I think about the freedom of having as many pillows as I want at home, and how that is not possible here. I do not even have one pillow.  If I am to be here for some time-I will miss those simple freedoms.  The thin mat is only about an inch thick, not thick enough to provide any type of comfort.  It is also a weak mat, meaning, it does not seem to hold up so basically provides a barrier between the steel bed and me, of the thickness of a sheet.

Tears flow again….and I think of this:

“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” 

Washington Irving

I also remember this verse:

 Psalm 56:8 says:

You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.

I think about all of my freedoms that are now restricted, taken away, and all because I am helping women with their rights to choose.  I battle for rights for women and their families.  Now the truth will come out as to if they in turn, will be supportive of my sacrifice. Or at least supportive of me personally- their actions will expose all hearts. 

 I am a warrior.

 I have often been alone in my battles. 

I have always been willing to work in the trenches, even if I am alone, for years. 

The mission work I did was often alone.  I almost always-sat alone sorting clothing, I often went alone-driving across the country to deliver the items---

  I sat once before the pastor and elders of our church, arguing with them as they questioned me and the reasons I did what I did with the mission work.  Since they did not see people getting 'saved'..  They did not support me and what I was doing-because they did not see the numbers of those saved....  Sometimes its about trust before the harvest comes in.  I got that. I always did.  Others, did not. 

I told them I would go alone then. I am accountable to GOD first. I would not allow men, even if elders, to put themselves before GOD.  GOD speaks to me-I listen.  If I always go alone, I would rather blaze the trail than follow the crowd in blindness.  I KNOW what GOD said to me-and I alone am accountable for following HIS will or not.

 I sit here alone.

GOD whispers to me-no you’re not alone.

I rest.

I pray.

I rest again.

The door opens and there is the female police officer I met before--here to ask me something.  I again ask about: -- my pants that are too tight, and ask about a bible.  I ask again about my insulin. 

I do not receive my insulin, I do not receive a bible and I do not receive a change of clothing that will fit better.

This happens a total of about 4 times.

I do not know what time it is.  But I know I am not given a lunch. I am not hungry, but as a diabetic-I have to eat something, even just a little-to maintain a proper blood sugar balance or my body does bad things to my sugar level.  I also know I am not given my insulin or able to test my blood sugar.  Stress does a number on my blood sugar….it is probably the cause of my headache, I am sure of that.   My blood sugar is way too high because of the stress---but I cannot do anything about it.  They will not let me.

I sit in solitude.  

The LORD tells me some things, and some of it is not good-like the fact that some whom I have called friends/family- will leave me as a friend.  HE warns me of that.  But HE also tells me HE has not left me and will not eveleave me.  HE has called me, and I am to continue to trust HIM, not to depend on humans, but only on HIM and to listen closely.

HE tells me-other things, things I am not allowed to share with anyone at this time.... But HE warns me of what is to come with some....

So there I sit.  Waiting for someone to bring me news, to bring me pants that fit, to bring a bible, to bring a note pad and pencil, to bring my blood sugar supplies and insulin….I sit and wait-for hours.

The room has no window to the outside.  There are no bars; it’s not like in the movies.  This is probably what they call a holding cell.  There is no way to tell what time it is by the sun since there are no windows.  It makes me wonder how dark it is in here at night.  

Will they keep the light on all night? Do I get a say in that?  If they do, that would be too bright to sleep.  But with the light off, it would be complete darkness.  I doubt that it would be as dark as if you’re in a cave….I have been in a cave and had the light off, that is true darkness—I wonder if that is the way it is in hell. 

But for this cell, I am sure the light from on the other side of the door will shine under the door.  Funny the things you think about at a time like this.

The door is a heavy door, thick steel.  It has a small window-about the size of a foot wide by a foot tall.  It has a steel door on it that they can open and shut to look in at us.  It has a covering on the side of the cell so the prisoner cannot reach the officer, but allows the officer to look in at the prisoner.

I hear something at the door, and that little door inside the door opens, and an officer I have not yet seen today, asks me if I am ok.  He is obviously in a hurry, and begins to shut the little door prior to my answer ---when I yell out a loud “”NO””

He opens the little door back up, and asks what is needed.  I tell him my leg is swelling enough that if I do not get a different pair of pants I am going to have a big problem.  I also ask for a bible ---again.  He does not give me enough time to ask anything else before he shuts the little door, so I do not even get to ask about my blood sugar, and medicine.

About what seems like a half an hour later, I hear the door opening-the big door-and that officer stands there with an article of clothing in his hands.  He says that he only has one large size, and that they are very large, telling me they will probably be too big-and there is no belt to hold them up. 

He then throws them towards me purposefully to land on the floor. He could have just placed them on the floor at the door (I understand for safety reasons they cannot walk in and hand them to me nicely, but there appeared to be an attitude behind the action-which was rude).  He tells me that I can place the others on the floor when I am done changing. 

Before he leaves-I ask about a phone call to which his reply is that he will try to get the phone.

Once he shuts the door, I change out of the one pair of pants, and put on the new pair, which are so large, I have to hold them to keep them from falling down.  That would be embarrassing if they would fall down yet they watch me use the bathroom so I guess they have seen it all already anyway. If I would have to walk anywhere, they would come off, I bet the cops would get a laugh out of that too, naked bottom of mine exposed as I walk with my hands so they could see them, hand cuffed in front of me, and nothing to hold my pants up. I guess they must like this torment, or they would try a bit harder to provide something that fits.  The unfortunate thing about the new pair-the tight older pair held the peri pad in place, with this new pair- the pad falls out onto the floor.  I finally give up, it will not stay in place. Well, wont this be fun.

Again I sit and wait.  No bible yet.  No anything.

They finally bring food.  

It is a mess of starch thick noodles mixed with a sauce and some mystery meat, (all things a diabetic can NOT eat) then white bread and corn.  Really? All are things that I as a diabetic can NOT eat.  Especially all together in one meal! With the way my blood sugar is (although I do not know the actual reading it is since they will not allow me to check it) I can tell my  the migraine headache I have had that it has to be well over 350 close to 400.  If I eat this meal, it will kill me.  It would cause me to go into a diabetic coma! There is an apple and milk, so I ask the female cop who brought me in the meal if they have anything else like fruits and vegetables or just cheese or meat.  She looks at me like you're kidding?  She tells me no, and asks me what I usually eat.  I tell her organic vegetables, fruit and meat---she again looks at me like I am nuts and says no.  I tell her this meal will kill me.  She leaves and comes back with a carrot stick that has been sliced so thin so it looks like there is more than there really is.  I eat the carrot stick, apple, and drink the milk.  Not the best but better than the rest of the junk.  I will either loose weight here or die.  I had asked this female cop earlier about my medicine and checking my blood sugar but again, they bring nothing so I can do that.

Finally a phone comes. 

Now when I was put in this cell, remember they did not allow me to wear underwear or a bra.  After all, I might hang myself with them.  (If I really wanted to –I could do that with the pants and shirt too!)

But they bring me a phone, hooked up to a cord…a really long cord that reaches across the cell with some left over going out under the door.  I guess they are more worried about me hanging myself with my bra than this phone cord!  There is enough cord here to wrap around my neck about 20 times.  I could strangle myself instead of hanging myself.

  That is just stupid.  Really? Worry about a bra but not this?  I am surprised they do not give a cell phone with no cord!

I call home.  It cost 10 dollars for 5 minutes.  Finally Scott answers. 

We cry.

I tell him remember anything I say or he says they will use against me, so do not say anything.  They are after all, taping the call.  It is not that I have anything to hide, but still-they will twist things.

Scott tells me everyone is there, (our children and their families) and they are all trying to figure out what to do.

The call ends all too soon.  Then I am all alone.  I sit for a long time.  It seems like a long time. 

They do not come to get the phone, so I sit with the phone.  Again, they must not be worried about the cord, not like they are about the bra and underwear. 

After some time, just holding that phone, I call again.  It is the being lonely that is tough. I know I am spending a lot of money to make that call, but I need to hear my husband’s voice again.

Despite all of this, I have peace, true peace from GOD.  I know HE is in control.  I am not.

I am on the phone for that second time, and the door opens.  The police officer says I have bail.  I am very excited…I had thought I would not have bail until Monday sometime.  I ask him how much, and he tells me a $10,000. dollar bond.  That means $1000.00 to pay now.  He asks if I have it, and I say yes.  He looks sort of surprised, like he thought I would not have that much cash or something. Teachings thru the years of Larry B and now Dave Ramsey, pays off.

(they-the jail- dont take checks, visa, masercard or american express!)

I tell scott, and he asks what he is to do.  I tell him I need a bondsmen, so ask Jeannie who is at my house right now, as she knows what to do (she has been arrested for being a midwife too and knows how to help us with the decision of a bondsman)

I tell Scott where the money is, and how to get it, and tell him to hurry.

I sit and wait now, but the wait is easier. I am getting out and will sleep in my own bed tonight.

Later I hear the door open, and the officer tells me I can change (in that little bathroom, I changed in when I first got here) and that I am going home.

Then in a little while, he escorts me out, thru a series of steel doors.  I see my husband and son Nathan, and the bonds man.  I want to hurry out of there…just get away from that place-to just run...

I sign the necessary papers….I am not really listening to the others talk, my mind goes to thinking how you can almost smell freedom, I have heard that before-but now I 'know' what they mean.  I walk around, feels good to walk more than a few feet-then I look around on the walls in this room.  One bulletin board has (I count) 78 photos of criminals   ---all sex offenders ---for just this county. with a county of 37,000 people and 78 "known" set offenders....that means for about every 500 people there is one "known" sex offender. 

I know that some may actually be innocent, but still I think-why go after a midwife with that many sex offenders in the area?  Dont you have a lot to do to keep track of them?  If there are really that many that are in this county that have been ‘caught’, think of the ones who have not being caught.   Plus, the drug dealers!  The meth labs!  Really…spend the tax money going after the drug dealers and criminals that hurt women, children, with drugs, beating them, all of that. 

No, instead, the streets are safe now, since they have one less midwife.....

I walk back to where my son and husband are signing the final papers.  I am now in their hands….instead of being a ward of the county, I am now a ward of my husband and son...

We walk out the door of the jail and across the parking lot. I want to run...but I walk...

 I look over and I see the sun setting….the sight is beautiful, I turn and walk to the truck and cry….