Birthday...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....

That has been my theme verse for over a year now.  I guess its all I can hold onto at this point--after GOD and my family.  Hope.  Hope is all I have, without it---I will die.

waiting outside the court house room 

Its been a year-from birthday to birthday---marking off 365 days from one event to the next.  Last year for my 50th birthday, I was sitting at the county court house waiting to hear if I would have the hearing or not.

people gathered waiting with us....friends, family, all here to support me!

My friends, and family were there.  (yes I do remember who was there and who was not-friends, family, and clients-and I also remember those who really wanted to be there, but could not due to work or other commitments, but still fully supported me. I thank you!! )

 Those of you have been true with your support, faithful when I need you--all I can say is thank you!  GOD/YHWH has seen your support, seen how you came beside me and allowed me to lean on you when I needed to.  Being faithful like that--when someone is down, hurting, is just like being the good Samaritan.  The person needing help does not have to have just been robbed and beat up like in the story, that is not the point to the story.  The point is that you see someone that needs help, you help.  You reach out, outside of your comfort zone even, and help.  The good Samaritan did not know the guy, he did not know if he was a bad man to others who had been beat up for sins he had done, he just helped him because it was the right thing to do.

But how does some who know me help or support?  They judged me, left me as a friend, turned their backs on me---yes, I remember those who would not be there---no matter what---yes I remember you too. For those of you who did not support me- did not want to support me---I remember your lack of support at such a very difficult time in my life. I remember ....But, I chose forgive you a long time ago---only because it is the best thing for me to do for myself.  I dont forget though.  But if I would see you hurting, needing help, I would still be there because that is the type of person I am, regardless of how you have treated me.

              GOD/YHWH knows, and HE has been faithful, has been there for me --no matter what.

Well, so we were finally called in, and it took a whole 30 seconds.  Made the judge mad, because my family walked in to sit down-and the judge says: who is she with her entourage messing up my court room with 'noise'........( as they walked in to sit down.)  30 seconds later, they were standing up and walking out.  I told my attorney in the hall after words that my family and friends (again true friends and true clients) will ALWAYS be there when ever I am in court.  No matter how many months, years it takes.  He says yes he knows.

a good friend and fellow midwife here with her family all for support of me! 

clients and their families! 

dinner after the court hearing-2012

Do you know that Susan B.  Anthony was a woman of faith, but also a mover and shaker to make changes for women too.  She broke the laws, she made changes that those who have opposed me and what I have went thru, live and are reaping the benefits from.  On June 18th, in 1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 dollars for attempting to vote for the President.  (against the law back then-so she broke the law) Laws that are not right, if not challenged, will never be changed. are you brave enough to do something like this? Even if it means jail time? Do you realize that the $100.00 then would be about $1980 today?  ( calculate here)  Read more here

Now here 15 months later I still wait for this to be done and over with.. This county is totally messed up.  Why with NO complaints, NO bad outcome, am I still waiting to finish this?  Another midwife in a different county faced arrest too, but there were some bad outcomes with births, (nothing she actually caused to happen, but they still charged her with stuff) and her case is DONE. Done in about 3-4 months.  This county I live in has a reputation at being very very slow.  Our tax dollar pays for what?

Today I turn 51.  I still wait for this to be over.

I have lost friends, lost clients.  When clients whom you have served make a choice to not have you attend their birth again, it does hurt. It has not been too many actually, and I am grateful for that.  I give a lot to my clients, for me---it is like being in a marriage in a way-so when they do not use me again, it is like a divorce to my heart.  But GOD / YHWH can heal that too.  As for friends, I guess they were not real friends then if they made the choice to not stay.

 I know if I could have had a choice of a midwife attended birth with my births,  I would have followed my midwife anywhere--but that is me.  I was not given a choice like that.  I was forced into hospital births.

I have gained friends, gained clients.  GOD alone replaces.  There have been some very very sweet clients whom have chosen to stay with my care.  They have 'followed' me to where ever I can deliver, and I thank you for that!  They trust in what GOD has given me with a gift to serve them, and so where I can serve, them come. I look forward to the future to serving them some day in their own homes instead of up in Michigan where they need to come for now. As for new friends, many!  I love that.  GOD replaces.  HE really does!

I continue to wait on YHWH and trust HIM.

It is all I can do...
for now, happy birthday to me....maybe I will watch a movie....